


Burning Pianos

by WafflesAndPancakes



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Eurovision Song Contest 2020, Feels, I mean THIS IS A MASSIVE SONGFIC WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, Kinda, M/M, Other Additional Ships to Be Added, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Break Up, References to the Eurovision Song Contest, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WafflesAndPancakes/pseuds/WafflesAndPancakes
Summary: A year without Eurovision is a year not worth mentioning - and since a certain pandemic let to the cancellation of the Eurovision Song Contest, one of the biggest, if not the biggest event, in Europe, I wrote different short chapters about the drivers to the song representing their countries.orFinally, a year in which Germany won't suck at Eurovision
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Burning Pianos

**Author's Note:**

> Good evening, Europe! And good morning, Australia!
> 
> YES I wrote an ESC idea fic thingy, because I am that bitch and I really miss Eurovision? This year was so unsatisfying (also, as a German, I know we would've sucked again but what's new), so I thought "Let's use the songs for something god, won't we?" and somehow this happened.  
> This is also me battling my "no internet" phase as our wifi STILL isn't working.  
> I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do writing this!  
> \- waffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel is trying to fix his relationship before it breaks him.

_ I don't feel the same buzz  
_ _ When your name comes up on my phone anymore  
_ _ Feels like I don't feel you  
  
_

It's late in the night for him when his phone starts ringing, the odd sounds his phone makes whenever  _ he _ is calling. A sigh leaves his lips and he takes the phone, playing with it in his hands but not picking up. He doesn't know why, he could just accept it and talk to him, but he doesn't. He stares at the name, white letters on a dark background, his profile picture beneath it. He's so pretty, so beautiful, and he knows that it will always be that way, and he knows that this beauty will break his heart at some point – if it hasn't already.

**_ Maxy Baby is calling _ **

Dan sighs and combs his fingers through his curls before finally accepting the call. It freaks him out that there are no feelings anymore, no excitement every time he calls him, no butterflies in his stomach. He is a coward for not breaking up, for not acting on his non-existing feelings, for making this even worse for him. Neither of them deserves to be lied to, but Dan... he just can't do it. He just couldn't break up with Max. Because somewhere in the back of his head, he still loves him. He still cares about him... Right? He bites his lower lip and presses the green button.

"Hey, Maxy!"  
  


_ It feels like you're taking me for granted  
  
_

It's after another bad race for Renault, and he already feels like shit. Max won, which is good, which is nearly perfect, but Dan has left the race with a DNF, an engine failure, and he wants nothing more than to hug and cuddle Max. The Dutch is a simple message away, another few hotel rooms down the hallway. It would be so easy but-

** Want to come over? Could use some hugs. - Dan **

** Sorry, babe, but I have to go to the Red Bull celebration. - Maxy **

Dan lets himself fall onto the bed, his head buried into the pillows. Why did he expect this? Why did he know that this would happen, that he wouldn't spend the night with his boyfriend but alone in the silence of the room, clearly hearing the celebration downtown? The cities are different once Formula One is in town, louder, brighter, but Dan can't enjoy it. Not if his boyfriend is in the city with all the other people and he can't join him.

** Alright. Are we flying together at least? - Dan **

** Probably. Idk. - Maxy **

Dan can feel his heart break once again, so close to tearing apart. Max doesn't sound as if he's excited. It's as if he's annoying him, wasting his precious time, keeping him from more important things. He lets his mobile phone fall onto the bed, not caring if it bounces off it or not. Not caring if his tears soak the pillow beneath him or not.  
  


_ I can't take it anymore  
_ _ Don't break me  
_ _ Don't break me down  
_ _ Don't break me  
_ _ Are you hearing me now  
_ _ You thought I was elastic  
_ _ But maybe I'm just made of glass  
  
_

It has happened before that he broke down in front of Max. That tears have rolled down his cheeks while he was talking to Max, exhausted from the day or after a stressful week. But it has never been  _ because _ _ of _ Max (well, ignoring that one time in his hotel room). Never before had Max been the reason for his tears. Up until now. Now, he's sitting on his bed, bawling his eyes out while Max is standing in front of him, just because... it's Max. Because he can't stand being pushed away anymore, because his body is too tired to keep fighting for something that doesn't feel worth fighting for. And Max? Max holds him afterward, holds him while the last sobs leave his body.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay to cry."

Dan secretly wonders why he's the one to apologize, why he has to say 'I'm sorry' after he has cried because of his boyfriend. At least Max is here, holding him, stroking over his back and whispering sweet words into his ear while he's trying to calm down.

"Wanna cuddle and watch Netflix?"

"Yes, please," he whispers, cuddling closer to his boyfriend who grabs his laptop and opens the streaming website.

"Love you, Maxy..."

"Love you too, Dan."  
  


_ Isn't love a compromise  
_ _ Two people trying to keep the fire burning  
  
_

It's not like they are fighting all the time or as if Max is constantly pushing him away. They still love each other – in some odd kind of way that makes Dan feel nauseous. He dislikes the way Max is treating him, but he's still so madly in love, even though the harsh truth is that their relationship probably has no future. It's like a weird dance around each other, pushing and bouncing back, trying to figure out what they want from each other, what they want in love, what they want in life. It's the competition on-track that is both keeping their relationship alive and driving them further apart. It's going back and forth, all bark and often also bite in the bedroom, a fire burning between them, and while one is pouring oil into it, the other is pouring water all over it, trying to keep the balance but failing miserably.

"Who do you belong to?"

Max is panting into his ear, not stilling the movements of his hips, thrusting hard into him. Dan looks up to him with big eyes. It's one of the few times he actually bottoms for Max, one of the few times he trusts him enough, where he wants to let go of the reins and lets Max devour him alive. But now, having Max whisper those words into his ear, he's actually confused about what he should answer. In the end, he licks his lips and looks up to his boyfriend.

"Only me, sweetheart. I belong to no one."

Max stares down at him with fire in his eyes, growling deeply as he starts to move quicker, choosing a punishing pace that makes Dan moan loudly.

"Watch your fucking mouth, Ricciardo, you're mine."

Dan knows he has only added to the fire but maybe this is what they need – even more fire that can burn down everything around them.  
  


_ Every time that I try to explain it  
_ _ You think that your pain is more important  
_ _ And the hardest thing is that I don't wanna give you up  
  
_

It's not as if he hasn't tried to talk to Max about their problems. He has tried, so many times, but he fails every single one of them, always hearing the same excuse, the same story he has heard so many times before.

"Not today, Dan... Dad called and... it wasn't fun."

And it wasn't like he doesn't understand his pain. Jos is the biggest asshole he has ever known and he will never forget the days on which he could hear Jos scream at Max the whole time, but he starts to notice that Jos always calls on the days on which Dan wants to speak about their problems. Every time he says „Can we talk?“, Max gets defensive and tells him something about Jos, or he cries because he remembers something traumatizing from his childhood, or he throws a fit because his father has done something incredibly bad and evil and stupid. Of course, it has often happened before, and Dan has also heard the phone calls, but he has started to get suspicious. It can't be that Jos calls  _ that _ often, it can't be that he has called every time he wants to talk about their problems. Sure, maybe it has happened on that day, but seriously? That often? He has a  _ good _ relationship with his parents, and even they aren't talking that much on the phone. Something's off, something isn't right, and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth when he thinks about Max purposefully lying to him about his problems.  
  


_ I lie awake while you're asleep  
_ _ I listen to the sound  
_ _ Of all the words I couldn't say 'til now  
  
_

Max is sleeping next to him, quietly heaving his chest in a steady rhythm, eyes closed and a soft smile on his lips. Dan's next to him, laying on his back, looking at the ceiling. The silence is deafening, his thoughts screaming inside his head, the dark ones louder than any of the better, positive ones. It's always during the night when he starts to regret the things he hasn't said, the things he could've said thousand times before but never dared to, the talks he could've had with Max that could've saved their relationship before it was too late. But somewhere, deep inside his heart, he knows it is too late. They have tried to keep the fire between them alive but it has burned them as a result, leaving everything they have had in ashes behind. They can't save it anymore, there is nothing worth saving. Dan knows that Max doesn't want to see it, doesn't want to understand it. They still love each other, but it's not the good type of love. It's toxic, and it's destroying both of them. Or at least Dan.  
The Aussie sighs quietly and gets up, slowly starting to get dressed. He takes his phone, sending Lewis a text, asking if he can come over, before writing a note for Max.

** Need to think about some stuff. Don't wait for me tomorrow, I'll take another flight. We'll see each other in Baku. Love you. - Dan **

With that, he slips his shoes on, grabs his pre-packed bag for Baku, and leaves their Monaco-apartment, walking the short distance to Lewis' flat. He's a coward for walking away like that, for not waiting for Max to be awake, but he knows that this is the only way he can do it. And as he reaches Lewis' flat, there is only one thought in his head.  
  


_ Don't break me _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't kill me, okay?

**Author's Note:**

> \- all of this is a work of fiction and none of this is a portrayal of reality. kudos and comments are liked and welcomed. -


End file.
